I know why happy marriages are impossible nowadays from William Blomfield's blog

The crisis of the modern family and relationships, so vividly discussed in the pages of this publication, can not help but make you wonder why all this is happening? A particularly burning topic was the question of who to pay in a restaurant, a man or a woman. It's probably just an apotheosis of the depth of the rift that has divided our society into two mutually frustrated halves. I wonder why no one thinks about the fact that the crisis of the family and family relations simply added to the list of crises, in which the mankind.

The ecological, financial, moral, climatic (the list goes on) crisis has touched all areas of human life, and it simply could not help but affect the modern family. A happy marriage in a society where there is a fierce struggle for resources is becoming almost impossible, and here's why:

In human relations, the most serious crisis that is not discussed at the G8 Summit is the crisis of trust.

The wife doesn't trust her husband and the husband doesn't trust his wife.

The hardest part isn't finding a partner (there's still no problem with that), the hardest part is finding a partner you can trust.

This is exactly what the two halves cannot agree on. Women use men and men use women.

Millions of bums in this world testify to the fact that, after all, a woman is a weak link that can ruin life and create insurmountable difficulties. It's fair to say that the opposite process takes place - a lot of abandoned wives testify to this.

And that's why it happens. We are all now fighting for resources, which may be in the form of money, position, food, shelter, and so on. Our consciousness has long been set up that you can receive a resource, you can use it, and if for some reason it no longer satisfies you (say, a broken washing machine), it can and should even be thrown away.

Whether we want it or not, but we just can't help but perceive the other person as a resource. A wife or husband is a resource for meeting our needs - not just material, but also mental and sexual and emotional. If it works - it can be used, if not, it is better to part and start life anew. Second, third, fourth marriages no longer surprise anyone.

Trust is what makes two different people into one.

If this ingredient is missing, then an interesting mechanism of human psyche kicks in - we subconsciously understand it and begin to prepare for self-defense. "What if he leaves me?"What if she throws me out??", and so on.

A crisis of trust is the best way to end https://justpaste.it/auznf any relationships - when a person doesn't trust someone, they will look for validation of their fears. A woman will sit on the phone and share with her friends, detailing how bad her spouse is, even though he may not be as bad as she thinks he is, and her friends will work as an amplifier out of solidarity, giving her wife her own thoughts back, amplified many times over.

For the sake of justice, it should be noted that the same, though to a much lesser extent, men suffer from. Distrust is like a cancer that eats away from relationship?

What happens next? A woman wants to establish a closer relationship with someone she trusts more. For her it's either her parents or her children or even friends. When the slightest cloud appears on the relationship horizon, she begins to hide in the shadow of her mother or children, as in war, asking her girlfriends for reinforcements.

She is afraid to be alone, she wants to be surrounded by those people who she trusts, who can not let her down. That's how the "we" comes into being - "we" is me and the kids." "We" is me and my mother, but not "me and my husband.

As soon as a man realizes that his companion has formed a coalition, and he is not a part of it, he unconsciously has the desire to stand in opposition.

That's the way men are built - if someone stands up to him, he has to be aggressive.

That is, the formation of such a "coalition" almost any man will react in the same way - to show aggression, which may be hidden or open. Well, and get drunk, naturally, as alcohol is good for relieving tension and loosening up before the attack... The family becomes a battleground. Remember, during the war the soldiers were given a hundred grams of vodka before battle..?

In the war of the sexes, unfortunately, no one can do with such a dose - there will be a heavier battle. He, too, will seek to build a coalition - either with friends or with a mistress. No one wants to be alone.

The crisis of the modern family is a crisis of trust in the first place.

If two people learn to trust each other, everything will be fine. Trust - is the thinnest, but also the most important thread in the relationship, it must occur after the first crush passes. It's more important than love, because you can live with someone you don't love, but you can't live with someone you don't trust.

So when discussing relationships, focus your attention, above all, on trust - how to achieve it, how to maintain it, how not to lose it. And you will be happy, because there is nothing more important in a relationship than knowing that your significant other, no matter what kind of person she is, will not let you down and will not leave you in a difficult (or vice versa very easy) moment, and will be with you for that part of eternity that we are together.

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By William Blomfield
Added Jan 3 '23


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